Parenting pointers for Mothers in Ramadan. Based on a talk by Alima A Tirmizi
Mothers often feel discouraged from the goals they set in Ramadan due to the high aims often made for our ibada. Often goals are set, and they are not truly met. If you set a goal then do not be disheartened, it is normal that you are not able to to do it due to distractions, so do not feel disheartened. Women will watch men leaving for taraweeh, they will watch other women without children reading lots more Quran than their own selves. All this may put women down and make them remember the times they did not have kids.
The sacrifice a mother makes to raise her children raises her so high that no amount of ibada could raise her so high. Hazrat Asma Ansariyya RA asked the Prophet SWS boldly ‘O Rasulullah sws men have taken all the rewards of praying in congregation while women are confined to the house taking care of their children.’ To this the Prophet sws replied that taking care of the home and the husband is equivalent in reward to all the deeds of the men that you have mentioned.
Raising the children of the ummah is a huge blessing for a mother, therefore she should renew her intentions every day that her struggle is for the sake of Allah swt and based on this intention she will earn a huge reward.
When mothers are unable to meet targets, Shaytan overloads them and makes them feel incapable. This trick leads to a lack of Baraka in Ramadan. The Sunnah is to remain consistent even if the efforts are small. For example, if the kids are napping, read Quran and do extra nawafil or make qada of missed fardh prayers. Keeping Quran on in the background brings tremendous blessings and increases the relationship with the Quran. Forgiveness falls on that person listening to it, so keep Quran on in Ramadan even when busy with other tasks.
- Remain busy in dhikr. Allah SWT says ‘Remember Me I will remember you.’ The more mothers remember Allah SWT while cooking, cleaning, feeding and working the more Allah will Bless them with His Rahma.
- Add small sunnahs to daily life such as doing miswak, saying salam.
- Increase in dua. Iftar and suhoor duas are 60 blank checks. One dua to make is that ya Allah, this is a month when the gates of Hell Fire are closed and so are the paths leading to it. Please ya Allah remove the paths in my life that are leading to the Hell Fire.
- Make multiple intentions for every act and increase in good deeds. Smile more, worship more with children, pray tahajjud as a family.
- Spend less time in the kitchen, cooking less increases ibada. Ramadan is a time to feed the soul, not the body.
- Always remain in the state of wudoo. According to Hadith, 70,000 angels are with that person who is always in wudoo.
- Become a better person and do what you love whether it is reading Quran, praying or doing dawah work so you can improve your own self.
- Fast as a family. Children imitate the actions of parents which creates positive reinforcements for their behaviour.
Activities in Ramadan for kids:
- Role playing from Quranic stories. Write the stories, read them and act them out
- Children can keep a Ramadan journal of their activities.
- Take the kids to Ramadan programmes. Go to the library and as the kids busy themselves with books you can be busy with Quran.
- Revive the Sunnah of qaylula. Have a nap in the middle of the day.
Lastly, talk about the love of Allah swt. Show your family members mercy, love and compassion. Appreciate the small acts of kindness done by the children and increase your own small good deeds such as giving to the poor, sharing with neighbours, giving sadaqah.
May Allah swt enable all mothers to make the most in Ramadan. Remember it is not about quantity, rather it is about quality.